Predicting 2006
The editors and writers at The National Review have some fun making predictions, not always serious, about what we can look forward to in the coming year.
Hollywood studios will continue to reach out to religious America in their efforts to market movies about gay cowboys, the suffering of terrorists, and greedy corporations. Then when these movies fail at the box office, the studios will respond by blaming competition from videogames and DVDs.
Google and Apple laugh all the way to the bank.
Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame will enter talks to launch their own talk/reality show. Even after a sweeps week episode in which Wilson eats 6 pounds of yellow cake from in-between Plame's cleavage with his hands tied behind his back, he will take great offense at anyone who suggests he's a publicity hound.
Abu Zarqawi will be caught alive. But he will hang himself in his cell when Reuters reports that Iraqi authorities found the director's cut of Brokeback Mountain in his portable DVD player.
The Chicago Cubs will win the pennant.
Howard Dean denounces "the smelly, stupid, fire-breathing, snake-handling fundamentalists that dominate the Bush administration." He also denounces name-calling and intolerance.
With strong bipartisan support Congress calls for a three-month embargo on Angelina Jolie adopting any more kids from the third world.
Federal government scraps Witness Protection Program, starts giving witnesses in need of anonymity their own shows on Air America Radio.
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